Thursday, November 15, 2012

The Rules Of Driving (As told by me)

Behold! The rules to defensive (and fucking safe) driving:

#1.  DO NOT TEXT AND DRIVE!! When you do this, you are maneuvering your 4500 POUND killing machine where there are innocent people and children innocently moving about. If you do this, you’re an asshole. Don’t be an asshole.

#2.  Yield signs are for YIELDING! They’re not suggestions for yielding. They’re for fucking yielding so fucking yield!!

#3.  Turn signals are there to let others know that you are either changing lanes or turning. Just because you turn yours on, it does not mean that you may IMMEDIATELY change lanes without looking. You must first YIELD. (see #2) Yielding is for everyone. Fucking YIELD! When others let you in, then you may proceed. 

#3-B. Turn signals are there for a REASON. They’re not so you have something else fun to play with when you’re waiting around. They’re for changing lanes and turning. FUCKING USE THEM! If you don’t, nobody knows you’re turning/changing lanes so you have no fucking right to bitch when somebody hits you from behind because you SUDDENLY braked to turn or if they don’t let you in the lane you want to get in. You’re just being a douche at that point.

#4.  Do NOT block intersections when you’re in traffic. You know what happens when you do? The person who is waiting is cussing your ass and calling you an asshole. You don’t want to be an asshole, do you?

#5.  Do NOT pass school buses when they have their lights flashing!!! This means little kids are fucking exiting the bus and crossing the street. You WILL hit them and possibly maim/injure/kill them. If you have kids and you do this, you deserve to get run over by a train. And if you don’t have kids and you do this, you deserve to get run over by a train. If my kid gets hit by you, I will go all fucking Liam Neeson on you and fucking DESTROY you!!

#6. The left lane of the highway is called the “fast” lane. If you’re in this lane and you are going SLOW, fucking MOVE! You are now in the way of the people that are going FAST. Slow = asshole move. Fast = Correct. See the difference? Now, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!

#7. If you’re under 5’5”, do NOT drive a gigantic vehicle that you prohibits you from seeing out of the front windshield. Your killing machine now went from 4500 lbs to 5500 lbs and you are now endangering ALL of mankind.  Drive a CAR, asshole.

So, these are just a FEW of my pet peeves while on the road. I'm pretty sure that you have some of your own. Comment with your pet peeves and maybe we can make a Part 2 to this and help make the roads a safer place for everyone!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

A Blog: From one perfect mother to another


It has recently come to my attention that there are women in this wonderful World we live in that do not share the delights that us perfect mothers receive. I know, I know, it's a shame. But the thing that REALLY bother me about this is the fact that they BELITTLE us and act like we don't EXIST! They have all of these wonderful sayings like "All your children want is YOU" and "Houses are for self-expression, not first impressions". To this, I say, tsk tsk! How can you say such blasphemous things?!?!  Let me show you the article to which I am referring. You can click on it here.

I work VERY hard EVERY day to make sure that my husband and our three sons have everything they need to have a wonderful, succesful day. I'm sure you ladies agree with me!! Making things perfect is not as easy as it seems!!
 Let me give you an example of a typical day in our household:

2 am: I get up and open the window so I can stick my hand out. A bird lands on it and we have a duet.

2:15am: I take a shower while the birds, squirrels, does, and mice put my outfit together.

2:30am: I get dressed and perfectly coif my hair and apply my makeup.

3am: With my hair and makeup perfectly applied, I lay out my husband's clothes for work and my son's outfit for school. If there are ANY wrinkles that got there AFTER I ironed them the previous day, I re-iron them.

3:15 am: I go outside and water our beautiful lawn and wave to the paperboy as he throws my paper perfectly landing it on my porch.

3:30am: I re-apply any makeup that may have "sheened" off during my watering of the lawn.

4 am: I start to make breakfast. Breakfast consists of eggs, bacon, waffles, pancakes, ham, steak, toast, orange juice, and milk.

6am: I wake my husband with a kiss and a song

6:05am: I wake the boys with a kiss and a song

6:10am: Serve breakfast to my husband and my sons and then sit with them until they're done. No I don't eat. Can't mess up my lipstick ;)

6:15am: Pack my husband's lunch fro work and my son's lunches for school.

6:30am: Kiss my husband Goodbye as he leaves for work and kiss my children goodbye as they leave for school on the school bus.

6:35am: I IMMEDIATLY start rinsing the dishes so I can put them in the dishwasher. Then I start cleaning the kitchen: shining the appliances, alphabetizing the spices, scrubbing the floors, organizing the refridgerator by color and and making sure the counters are spic and span.

7am: I clean the WHOLE house in the same manner as the kitchen.

10am: I re-apply makeup and make sure my hair is still perfectly coifed.

10:30am: I meet the ladies for brunch and bridge.

12:30pm: I make my daily trip to the grocery store and look down at all the mothers with screaming children.

1:30pm: I go to the gym and work off the eggs, bacon, waffles, pancakes, ham, steak, toast, orange juice and milk. I make sure to do an extra 20 minutes of yoga due to brunch

3pm: I re-apply my makeup and put my poof-y dress back on just in time to greet my son's when they come home from school.

3:15pm: I serve them their "after school" meal and clean the kitchen when they are done.

4pm: I help them with their homework and talk to them about their day.

5pm: I start dinner which today consistes of fried chicken, baked potato, asparagus, and apple pie for dessert.

5:50pm: I re-apply my makeup and make sure my hair is STILL perfectly coifed.

5:55pm: I gather the paper, my husband's slippers, and make a martini

6pm: I greet my husband with a kiss as he comes through the door.

6:05pm: I serve dinner and we talk about everyone's day except for mine. I am never selfish to assume they'd want to hear about my boring day.

7pm: We settle into the living room for lively conversation and possibly some board games.

8pm: I tuck my children into bed and read them a bedtime story.

8:30pm: I get into bed with my husband and we sit side-by-side and read.

9:30pm: After he falls asleep, I clean the kitchen in the same manner I did after breakfast while preparing lunches for the following day

10:30pm: I clip coupons for the use the following day at the grocery store

11:30pm: I do laundry and iron all the clothes before putting them away in their rightful places.

12:30am: I do my nails and give myself a manicure

1:30am: I make flower soap to put in the bathroom so my family can have a fresh one for their shower in the morning

1:55am: I put on my pink silk pajamas and slip into bed next to my husband. Oh, I don't sleep, silly. I'm a robot!!!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

This is the part where I give Gamer Boys the business!!

Listen up, gamer boys!! I can put up with your superior attitudes when it comes to FPS and I can put up with your love of Double D's on a girl avatar but what i can NOT put up with is your blatant disregard of the fact that we gamer girls actually EXIST IN THE FIRST PLACE!! Maybe not all of your girly friends play games or would even want to but, you know what? Not EVERY guy I know plays games either!! How do you like them apples? Ya...the gamer world does not belong SOLELY to you. I know it's hard to accept but it's true.

I know some of you don't quite understand where this is coming from so let me show you. BEHOLD!! The biggest piece of FAIL since "The Man Show".

This freaking so-called "advertisement" was sent out to gamer boys all OVER the country and, frankly, I'm appalled. I don't WANT your stupid flowers!!! I want a new video game AND a World of Warcraft card!! I want to shove C-4 so far up Gamestop's ASS right now! AND I want to FrostFire Bolt any gamer boy that doesn't realize his significant other likes gaming more than flowers!

Right now, gamer girls all over the country are blogging about this ad and telling their readers how much they hate it. Because, you just don't understand, America. We want to be taken seriously also. We want emails like this saying "Buy your man a 6-pack so you can game ALL day" (insert smiley face). We want to be more than a sexy avatar or a dude in a gilly suit (cuz there are no girl options) with a hot voice.

Hear us, gamer boys!!! We are coming for you!!! BOOM!! HEADSHOT! and then a teabag for good measure ;)

Monday, January 16, 2012

Giveaway Winner!!

Thank you to everyone that entered the giveaway!! I always have so much fun doing these. According to the random number generator of awesome, the winner is......

#4 Munnaza!! So if that's you, send me your name and mailing address to

Thank you all for being awesome, for being nerdy, for being YOU!!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Fault in Our Stars Giveaway!!

The AWESOMEST giveaway prize EVER!!

As all of us Nerdfighters know, yesterday John Green's new book The Fault in our Stars came out. And we ALL rushed to EVERY book retailer in town to go Hanklerfishing and Yeti hunting. But I know some of us were not able to buy it. So I am having an awesome giveaway and the prize is a SIGNED copy of The Fault in our Stars!!! *cue the applause*

To enter, all you have to do is comment on this blog post and tell me ONE awesomely nerdy thing you've done in your life! THAT'S IT!! Cuz we all know Nerdfighters fight suck and pretty much EVERYTHING we do is awesome and I just want to know one.

Now, you don't HAVE to be a Nerdfighter to enter. You don't even have to be on Blogger to enter. You can comment as Anonymous but you HAVE to put your name on there so I know who you are.

Good luck, people!!!! And DFTBA!! (Don't forget to be awesome)
Ooh ya, the giveaway ends Monday Jan 16th

Tuesday, January 3, 2012


So 2 of my frenzies are having giveaways on their bloggies and I thought maybe I'd have another one too just cuz they're fun. And I told Cissy and she said maybe she'll have one too so we can be cool also. We're not above the influence, as you can see. So, while I ponder over whether to have another giveaway, I thought I'd share the linkies with you so you can enter and get free stuff. YAY YOU!!

The first one is a giveaway for a lip glossy from my bestie, Isolde. Here's the linkie to that one: Isolde Beauty Giveaway :)

The second one is a giveaway for SteamPunk jewelry and another surprise gift from my good friend, Ems. Here's the linkie for that one: Living Fabulous Giveaway

So good luck and I'll let you know what I come up with soon :)