Thursday, August 18, 2011

Coming back to life....

Lately I've been experiencing some feelings that I'm not used to. Feelings of inadequacy and akwardness and sadness and having self-esteem issues. Now, I'm not saying these feelings are foreign. I'm just saying it's been a LONG time since I felt like I didn't belong and it ACTUALLY bothering me. You see, usually I don't mind being the different one. I don't mind the attention I get when I walk in somewhere smiling while everyone is somber. I don't mind being the only girl around a bunch of boys and talking about getting my nails done and watching them roll their eyes. I don't mind being the only non-blonde and glasses wearer at the party. USUALLY. But lately, I've been feeling bouts of sadness. And feeling like everyone is staring at me for the wrong reasons. And feeling out of place even among my friends.

So what do I do? I go where no one can see me. I play WoW or read a book. No one I DON'T know can see me, talk to me, touch me. And, for the past few weeks, this has been my life. I've pretty much been secluded and only being available on FB during work hours and almost never on Twitter.

But I see a light at the end of this dark tunnel. And this dark tunnel has been FAR from lonely. It's filled with the voices of the people that love me the most. telling me how beautiful I am. How special I am. How unique I am. And the occasional reminder of what a noob I am >.<

So I do what I always do in these situations. I don't disappoint. I pull myself up and I carry on and I try not only to please myself but everyone else as well. It seems like a burden at times. Always worrying if I'm being too lazy. Always worrying if someone is not happy. Always worrying if something I say will be interesting enough. So I just kinda stopped. And I'm kinda overwhelmed at the response I've gotten by my change. Who knew that people really DO mean it when they say they love me? I'd kinda forgotten what it felt like to be the needy one....and I'd kinda like to forget again.

So I'm gonna tell you everyday what made the previous day so special because every day is. Even if it's a small thing.  DFTBA.....EVER!

Nerdy thing I did today: Updated the picture on my desktop to reflect my toon in it's current state. Undead Frost Mage, biatches!


  1. Did you think we were lying when we said we love you???

  2. Being awesome every day all the time is a hard job. Sometimes less than awesome emotions hit us. It's not how many times we feel down - it's how many times we push it away and feel awesome again. YOU are awesome. You make my life more awesome because you are in it. I really do love you more than you know. I feel like our souls have long been friends, we just had to find each other again this go around. I am glad to know you. And I am honored that you love me.