Monday, September 19, 2011

Survivor: Do I have what it takes to compete?

As many of my friends know, I love to watch Survivor. I like the idea of putting people on an island or somewhere deserted and giving them some rice and a few annoying people and let them go at it. I watch it religiously and this is actually one show I won't DVR unless ABSOLUTELY (read: somebody better be dying) necessary. I like to think I would know what to do to be the sole survivor but I ALSO know I'd never actually go on the show. I mean, Survivor is as much a social game as anything else. I can deal with that. I've done my share of manipulating people. Don't act like YOU haven't especially if you're a woman. But I HATE the outdoors. I HATE bugs. I HATE going without food or sleep. I HATE people telling me what to do when they're not the boss of me. I HATE being in close quarters with people I don't know or don't like. Because I do have a bit of a bitchy side when it comes to not liking people. I'm pretty honest about letting people know where they stand. But that's a story for another time. On this post, I'd like to give you an insight on to what I'D do if I were on Survivor so maybe I can help you if YOU ever decide you want to brave the elements.
#1. I'd make an alliance on Day 1 with the SECOND strongest guy on the island (the strongest is ALWAYS the biggest threat aka target)
#2. I'd deliberately not make myself look TOO good in challenges nor too weak.
#3. I'd scope out the ENTIRE group and immediately offer an alliance to the majority whether it be women, old people, martians, whatever! I'd be like Let's WOMEN/OLD PEOPLE/MARTIANS stick together and vote these MEN/WHIPPERSNAPPERS/EARTHLINGS out of here!
#4. I wouldn't go and tell everyone a sob story so they'll keep me around. Because the exact OPPOSITE happens. They won't keep you because it will pretty much guarantee you the win. They'll axe your ass at the earliest opportunity.
#5. I wouldn't brag about how much money I have either. (Not that I have ANY cuz i don't) They won't keep you if you don't need the money. 
#6. I wouldn't cry. Crying is weak. And nobody likes a crybaby
#7. I wouldn't make it obvious that I am searching for an immunity idol. Those people are so stupid. It makes you look like you don't care about the TRIBE, only yourself.
#8. I would learn how to build fire, catch fish and train BEFORE I even get there.
#9. I wouldn't go there in heels and a dress either. Dumb broads.
And if for some strange reason I DO get voted out:
#10. I wouldn't bitch about it at the final tribal council by being all rude and shit. That just makes you look stupid.
#11. I wouldn't vote for the biggest asshole. Being brutally honest about being dishonest only makes me want to NOT vote for you. (See: Richard Hatch)

So there you have it, people. You're welcome :)


  1. Train as if it's the Hunger Games!

  2. I would LOVE to go on there.....I love that show....but I'm kinda the same as you...I hate bugs and eating weird crap and drinking yucky water.....blech. LOL

  3. OMG now I'm wondering if we take a roadtrip and have car trouble if I'll make it to the next gas station or get voted out of the walkabout.

  4. Funny blog! I think you definitely have what it takes to compete! Go for it. :-D

  5. If I was on Survivor with you, I'd totally make an alliance and it would be completely unholy. We could bitch our way to the top and then split the $. Booyah!

    (As a side note, I totally agree with the whole list of reasons you'd never go on. Me neither.)